Hello my beautiful ladies,
I've been sick and feeling crummy, but getting back on track good now. I'm ready to start focusing on my exercises again. I may cough myself to death in between but oh well.
While resting I've been reading the book Why Men Love Bitches. If you haven't read it, it's worth it even as just entertainment value. I've been married for 11 1/2 years and 5 before this. Most of the book is not aimed at the married woman but a lot of it made sense and did hit home.
Other than that, I've enjoyed a little extra time with my chickens. Those silly birds are so adorable and quite comical! I got my first eggs last week. Maybe they felt sorry for me, lol. I love having my own organic meat and eggs. *for those who are tender hearted, turn you head for a moment* I also butchered my first chicken. It was a rooster that had to be culled due to illness (nothing major or contagious to humans). It's totally ok to eat the meat but I had to eliminate the illness spreading to the rest of the flock. Part of farming. Speaking of farming, since I'm feeling better I can't wait to get on my big ol' tractor (backhoe actually) and do some pond digging. I'm going to raise fish & minnows too. Got to do lots of tree clearing, chain sawing and busting wood. That should burn some damn calories! You should see this 5'3" girl bust some wood! I'm actually very good at it. lol, gotta have a hobby right?
I swear I'm the only girl who can be ill for a week and not lose a pound! I've barely eaten and no weight loss. I swear there is something wrong with my metabolism. I know I have some hormone issues with endometriosis, but damn it. damn it damn it damn it.
I'm doing so much better with binging (I don't purge really). *Trigger warning*
The other day I made brownies and I did so good! I didn't eat any. I did allow myself to have licks off the spatula as I scrapped the bake pan. I picked one up b/c the voice in my head said "one won't hurt." As it was heading toward my mouth, I noticed my hand trembling. I put it back down and told myself I was happy just getting the scraps. It was only about a couple of table spoons worth. Girls, this was big for me. I put it back down! I'm so proud of myself for that. For me, it doesn't have to be a certain food. I can go all day with out eating just fine but when I get home, it's a challenge. I notice at dinner that sometimes I litterally inhale the food. Don't even chew some of it, just swallow it whole like a ravaging monster. What I'm doing to help me with this is I put lettuce on my plate. When I feel this feeling coming over me, which is usually right at the begining, I set the fork down and eat lettuce until I can pick up my fork and slowly poke stuff and chew it. My portion sizes have greatly improved b/c my DH has stopped putting food on my plate for me. I'm starting to say little things out loud (to him or to myself) like, no, I don't need that. No, that has too many cals & carbs and I'd rather pass. And he's been real good about it. Once I put a picture of Daisy Duke (Catherine Bach) inside the snack cubbord as a reminder that I can't look like her if I open this cabinet. DH figured out what I was doing and didn't say a word. I took it down though, I felt stupid. I can see a guest coming over and wondering what kind of psycho I must be with Daisy inside the doors. If I was 25 lbs thinner, I'd look just like her, well, very similar anyway. I love Daisy.
Of course, I've had a few times that I despise myself for eating something in the ravaging manner I'm speaking of, but I guess we all fail some. Makes me so damn mad. I already have to eat less and work out harder than the average woman. I don't have weight gain per say, just can't seem to lose what I have- sometimes no matter how hard I try which is sooo frustrating. But having you ladies around to share this with has helped too. I know I'm not alone. Funny how we get caught up in the thinking "it's just me in the whole world who does this".
Ya'll have a good weekend! I plan to do a little duck hunting. Nothing like freezing cold, tons of clothing, huge weighters, walking around in the river to burn some cals. I may have said this before, but if ya'll get a chance to go hunting with your ol' man, do it. There's nothing like watching the sun come up, the squirrels playing, birds chirping. To meditate in the silence of the wilderness. There's nothing like whomping out a few shells out of the 12 guage shotgun to destress.
Peace, my loves, I'll see ya Monday.
My favorite website of all times. Check out the b/p section on this page.
http://www.pro-thinspo.com/
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stepstomarrow
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